John McCain isn't content to flail hopelessly. He now has to make a complete embarrassment of himself by knighting himself Savior of the Economy. He has decided to suspend his already dead campaign so he can run to Washington and save everyone from evil capitalists. Populists rejoice.
Here are 9 good reasons John McCain should sulk back to his dark little corner and let people who know what they are doing fix things.
- He isn't the Stephen Hawking of economics.
- He isn't president.
- Someday, he will have to debate issues with Barack Obama.
- If he actually shows up in the Senate they'll have to scrape the dust off the seat he's left vacant since January. He already missed votes on the GI bill, energy policy, and basically everything that has gone through the Senate including, I'm sure, insignificant bills that would have saved your children from terrorists. But those weren't important.
- He knows less about economics than Sarah Palin knows about foreign policy. The McCain campaign will soon announce that McCain's wife sometimes let him look at her credit cards and he is, therefore, an expert on the economy.
- It's only been a month since the last time he promised to end his vacation from his elected duties and return, triumphantly, to DC to save the economy.
- They don't want your 'help'.
- The last time he was involved in 'fixing' banks the dang economy almost collapsed. I think it would be in our best interest if he started fretting about liberal media conspiracy again.
- Having a press conference (first one in eons) to have your picture taken in Washington pretending you are actually doing something is not suspending your campaign. That's called a publicity stunt. He'd have more luck posing with Paris Hilton.
I would have done 10 but I have decided to suspend my blogging and return to Utah and save the beleaguered and collapsing education system. 'Cause, you know, I'm an expert on all things educatiomanal.
I wait, in rabid anticipation, for John McCain to sweep in and save us all from sure economic destruction. I'm so glad he's there for us. It's like he's superman for our wallets. And everybody loves superman.
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McCain campaign:
'Barack Obama would rather win an election than fix the economy."
Obama campaign:
'John McCain would rather suspend his campaign than debate Barack Obama."
Quote of the day goes to David Letterman
What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president?
"I think that it is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once."
I'm just sayin'...
They want to cancel her debate too. No wonder, when her best answer, on national television, for McCain's economic brilliance is:
“I’ll try to find you some [examples] and I’ll bring them to you.”
Doh! Cancel the debates! No wonder they aren't getting much fresh air. It scares them!
"I do think though that helping pass some critical legislation would take precedence over debating an ignoramus."
You are right. Everyone needs a little McCain. Let's take a look at what other people on the planet could use some Johnny.
Today CERN announced another delay in restarting the Large Hadron Collider until early spring, the earliest possible time when John McCain will finally have thawed enough to come and assist them in their pursuit of quantifiable evidence of the Higgs boson.
"We need John McCain." Said CERN scientist Olaf Dwinkledorf. "In our search for the 'god particle' we John McCain's expertise on particle colliders. I hear he used a hula-hoop once as a kid. We just can't proceed without that kind of unique expertise."
In other news...
Google co-founder, Sergey Brin, announced today that the internet was accidentally turned off and that it could not be restarted until John McCain suspended his campaign and came to the aid of world's internet experts who still cannot figure out where the 'on' switch is located.
"The world waits on Senator McCain." Brin said, "[McCain] used a computer once, I hear he even invented the blackberry. Without him I just don't see a way we can go on."
Thousands rallied today at golf courses and nursing homes across the country to show support for the McCain campaign. They carried signs reading, "Can't live without Craigslist," and "Old but internet-savvy."
Barack Obama would rather win an election than fix the economy.
When asked if WonderPalin had sufficient foreign policy experience Laura Bush said the first honest thing I've heard coming from the mouth of a Republican on Palin:
"Of course she doesn't have that. You know, that's not been her role but I think she is a very quick study..."
She's a very quick study? Whew! I was worried there for a minute. All we need to do is give her a few Cliff Notes and she's ready to go!
And it's a good thing too. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that McCain died months ago and is now just a reanimated corpse controlled by conservative minions. That would explain all the hollow laughs and inexplicable mumbling.
Zombie McCain! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Now you are just being silly! So I guess Palin would be getting the same Cliff notes as Obama would then? Except Palin at least will have Executive experience to draw on.
I guess Obama could draw on....hmmmm, oh wait---
NOTHING!
Ug. Here goes again.
Why is it that conservatives are so fascinated with the concept of 'executive experience'? Really, Palin has none, according to Fiorna. McCain has none in the past 90 years since he was elected. And he's your presidential candidate!
Bush's executive experience was running a state and a mediocre baseball team. Look at what good his 'executive experience' did for our country. Rudy was the Grand Poobah and CEO of 9/11 and Mitt Romney fired half of Michigan but those are the only two guys who had any real executive experience. Plus, they were both weird.
Palin's vapid knowledge is evident by how the McCain campaign are hiding her like a drunken uncle. Since McCain is too busy learning to add and subtract, why not let Palin do the debate for him? Let's see what good that 'executive experience' has done for her. In the end she might have run the Great White Uninhabited North but she still knows less about the economy than John McCain knows about her. Saying she has 'executive experience' makes conservatives feel better, as though she were Henry Kissinger with lipstick.
A conversating between two concerned conservatives:
Concerned conservative #1:
"I dunno about her. She doesn't even know what Bush's foreign policy is."
Concerned conservative #2:
"It's ok. I hear she fired someone once!"
Assuaged conservative #1:
"Oh! What a relief! She'll make a great President. Palin-McCain!"
At least McCain has championed bills and reforms. What legislation has Obama created?
At least Palin was a mayor and governor....her experience as mayor is more executive experience than Obama ever has. Well, Obama has headed a campaign....(doubt he runs it though--campaign managers are hired to take over).
Dude, Glum........I'm proud of your comebacks--we got a live one here!
I've been accumulating hundreds of Obama's lies on record....my next posts, when I have time, should be interesting. Josh, I don't particularly like McCain, but I respect him. I loathe Obama as I would the anti-christ.
OBAMA HAS NOTHING! I don't care how you try and dice this, he does not have it in any way, shape or form. Use all the analogies you would like, none of them can stick.
Again, I don't think McCain is the ideal candidate either, but know that he has a tremendous amount of additional experience that actually makes him more qualified to do the job.
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY!
"A naval commander is not executive experience?"
Sure, as I said, thirty years ago when Sarah Palin was gaining foreign policy experience in 1st grade by learning about the wacky and backward land called the lower 48. Oh wait. She was probably still in Idaho then. Even more so!
"The man endured 5 years of torture and his subordinates during that time still looked to him for example/leadership."
Wow. It's been a few weeks since I've heard anyone deflect criticism on McCain with the "he lived in a box" straw-man. You're just sexist.
"What legislation has Obama created?"
Dang. Obama's record is so good, even Palin tries to steal his ideas. From Drudge:
"Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she put the government checkbook online in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take that same proposal to Washington, but somebody's already done it -- Barack Obama."
"Use all the analogies you would like, none of them can stick."
Wait a second... who's campaign is sinking faster than Leonardo at the end of an unmentionable boring movie with the screeching Celine Dion theme song? Not Obama's. You can post all of the 'lies' you can come up with. Nobody will care because the Palin/McCain campaign can't tie their shoes and answer questions at the same time.
Dish it out. Please! No one will care. You two can pat each other on the back all you want if it makes you feel better. In the end you still have a candidate that neither of you can stand who's running mate is making Quayle look insightful. Just understand that I will have to stop responding sooner or later because McCain is going to suspend his campaign due to a total lack of interest. I understand you hate your own choice for President. I've been there. But being bitter because Obama could run away with this campaign doesn't hurt him. It just makes you sound whiny. And I have a little sign in my house that says "thou shalt not whine."
"I loathe Obama as I would the anti-christ."
I had to roll my eyes at that one. Poor you. I foresee a long and bitter future for you. Well, four years at least. You can now join the ranks of the bizarre left who have thought the same thing of Bush for 8 years. Who knew you had the so much in common with people you despised? I thought you were finally over the whole 'my opponent is Satan-himself' idea? Can't you see the idiocy that has resulted from that viewpoint about Bush and your favorite Hinkleberry? It's a sad, tired pattern you've come up with. It must be pretty awful when everybody is evil except for your candidate. I'd called that paranoid but I think it might be in the RNC charter. Remember the last guy you thought was evil incarnate is now your candidate of choice.
"As basis of selecting a candidate, we analyze experience, credentials and other personal traits. I have interivewed hundreds of people for multiple positions and find that if I stick to those parameters, I make a much better decision."
In your world, everything can be compared to running an old folks home. Would you hire someone who didn't show up to their interview or the person who filled their resume with lies?
I would be thrilled to hear more about how Palin is qualified to hold up a stuffed McCain. We all need more humor in our lives. Pretty soon both John Stewart and Stephen Colbert will be out of jobs. The Palin/McCain campaign is already self-parody.
"Dude, Glum........I'm proud of your comebacks--we got a live one here!"
I'll go get the pom-poms and glittery make-up. Go team! Who cares if the QB is dead on the field and they just called up the captain of the drum line. De-fense! De-fense!
My facility is a multi-million dollar a year business. It takes executive experience and know how to do it.(Believe me, I could do it a lot better.) Like any business eg, dental practice, running a newspaper, or a bank those parameters you are debating are basic skills to hire good people and assess the best candidate.
What interview did McCain not show up for? Another fabrication.
What lies has he told us about his resume? In my research I'm not sure what he said he has done that he hasn't. Please elighten me if there is a CREDIBLE source.
All I know is, (aside from marching bands) is it will take something somewhat biblical to really put things back where they need to be. I am just glad we all have the chance to really talk about this stuff and try (as futile as it may be) to make a difference. I truly respect your opinion and in-sight. It truly makes me look harder and more detailed at my perspective.
Let's just vote for Bob the clown. I love his story. (If you recall, that is the best joke you have ever told.)
"What interview did McCain not show up for? Another fabrication."
That would be that one little thing this whole post was about; the debate he is canceling to save the world from asteroids. I guess you could count that whole shebang with David Letterman too. But that's silly!
"What lies has he told us about his resume? In my research I'm not sure what he said he has done that he hasn't. Please elighten me if there is a CREDIBLE source."
That would be Sarah Palin, Vice President of Whoppers. My credible source for her lies is anyone with an ounce of logic.
If Letterman is considered "an interview" than I guess Jack Black should get some presidential kudos. ARGH!