Your turn at the Soapbox

Completely plausible conspiracy #1.

There is a masochistic dental conspiracy.

It's true! Dentists are indoctrinated from their earliest days of dental school on the proper mauling and torturing of poor folks who just want to get their cavities filled. How do I know this? Well, duh, all dentists hurt people, like, every day! That means there is a grand conspiracy created by these genuinely evil executioners parading around in smocks and goofy face masks. They want hurt you and then overcharge you by thousands of dollars. First they drill holes in your face and fill your teeth with toxic cement and then they send you an overinflated bill. Physical and emotional pain! They want you to scream out in pain until that funny little vein on your head is doing an awkward tango like Marie Osmand on Dancin' with the Washed-up, Has-Been, Daytime-TV Stars.

I can't remember exactly where I saw it but there was this poll where dentists were asked things like: Do you enjoy punching innocent children in the face?; and, Have you ever tossed bags of cute little kittens off of the Golden Gate Bridge? Not surprisingly, 92% of all so-called "dental professionals" were self admitted kitty-killers and child-face-punchers. That's what the poll said, and polls are always right.

You might not believe me, but that doesn't make it not true. I know it's true.



Completely plausible conspiracy #2.

Nursing homes are just a front for meanies to kill nice old folks.

It's true! I saw this Gallup poll that showed that 137% of people who live in a nursing home will die within 5 years. OHMYGOSH! Nursing homes must be just like Buchenwald but all over the whole stinking country! The picture above shows a sweet elderly woman at what she thinks is just a friendly Tuesday Night Ice Cream Social, but really they are feeding her frozen arsenic. Nursing home administrators are even worse than dentists. At least dentists pretend to give you laughing gas. Nursing home administrators just poison your prune juice. While dentists are deviant and cruel, nursing home administrators are really a modern-day embodiment of the demon Charon but they go the extra mile and kick you in the kneecap before ferrying you to Hades. Never go to a nursing home. You'll die!

Now excuse me, I have an election to rig. We can't let J. Sidney McCain deny the Benevolent Socialist Revolution from what is rightly ours to steal, now can we?

I don't know about you guys, but being a nursing home administrator I can say for a fact that such events in the nursing home are really awesome. That being said, my intention for saying this isn't to specifically compare McCains's personality to a rockin' nursing home reunion, it is just to set the record straight about nursing home events. Heaven forbid people get the wrong idea about what goes on in a nursing home. The liberal media can count that one as a fabricated success.

Now on to the stuff that matters. Obama's latest trip to over seas was greatly considered as a flop. A pathetic 39% of Democrats saw the trip as positive. (USA Gallup Poll 7/29/08) It really seems that McCain benefitted from the trip better than B. Hussein Obama. McCain has now surpassed Obama in national polls. McCain is leading in the latest Gallup poll by 4 points. This has happened since the trip of Obama.

If I have to endure continued elaboration of a shallow, self-centered socialist I swear I will check myself into a nursing home. When the Democrats love child's response to high gas prices is, "I would've like to see a more gradual increase in prices..." you know we are in trouble. Please make it stop!!

I just hope and pray the American People can see through this guy sooner rather than later. My feelings suggest they will...

Sorry I haven't been responding. I've been too busy attending the latest round of seminars at work about 'How To Overthrow America And Get A Socialist-Liberal-Muslim-Child-Eater Elected Using Hypnotism And Magic'. It just part of working at a newspaper, you have to keep current or the liberal conspiracy will just keep moving without you; leaving you behind in the dust.

Did you know that America didn't really land on the moon? It's true! That was just Hollywood. Also, aliens are recording you right now and killing hapless cows every night. LBJ ordered JFK's assassination, Bush planned 9/11, Masons run the world, Paul McCartney is dead, Elvis is alive, the Holocaust never happened and I, of course, am a just a figment of your imagination.

There's a reason they're called conspiracies. It's because they are stupid ideas that defy reason and appeal to people who are too convoluted to accept reality or too stubborn to admit that they are wrong.

I'm going to post two videos and I want you to ask yourself: If I were a news organization, what would I want to show my viewers? First McCain:



He's meeting with 5 people in a grocery store and it only gets interesting when someone spills the applesauce. As Jon Stewart said, "Campaign clean-up in aisle 5!"

Here's what Barack Obama was doing (I know you won't watch the whole video but give it a few seconds to get what's going on):



No applesauce. Only 200,000 Germans waving, get this, AMERICAN FLAGS! When is the last time anyone in Germany waved an American flag? Dang, he even gets the Europeans to be patriotic!

So what would you choose? Spilled applesauce or 200,000 Europeans who are starting to remember how dang great this country is. It's a simple question of what people in this country are wanting to see on television. Obama is interesting; McCain is moldy cheese.

Two people are standing on the street waiting for a bus during a drenching storm. One person looks up and knows that the whole universe is conspiring against him: God, nature and all of humanity are out to him utterly and completely miserable.

The other guy looks up and sees a rainstorm and kicks himself for not bringing an umbrella.

So, it's raining on you. Who do you blame?

If you do not get a clear image, click on the pic for a better view.

The irony of this picture is that the "Election 2008 Full Coverage" is placed directly under an article discussing conservative paranoia the media doesn't give them fair and balanced news. The amount of press Obama gets compared to McCain is obvious........is it because Obama has more news? I don't know........but here we have the option of reading about Obama's well-behaved children or McCain's gaffes or his "dangerous dance" with George Bush.

The bias is so painfully obvious......I can barely watch the news. If it's not some professor preaching liberalism in the classroom, it's Hollywood or our fantastic news.

Josh, I know you might find this laughable because you know what goes on in making a newspaper..........try picturing yourself as a Republican for a second.........if you still think media is fair, I can accept that.

Just curious, do you work with any Conservatives, Josh? My guess is not a lot........there are certain jobs, for some weird reason, that attract mostly Liberals.................I just wish they weren't the ones always in the spotlight.

Dear James:

I wanted to send you a quick email about the latest outrageous action by Nancy Pelosi and the Democrat leadership in Congress.

When Americans are canceling vacations because gasoline is over $4.00 per gallon, Democrats plan to adjourn work for a month-long vacation the first of August WITHOUT holding a vote to drill for American oil.

This is inexcusable.

I know you’ll agree with me that there should be no recess without voting on legislation that can help lower gas prices.

No wonder the new Gallup Poll this week that shows Congress’s approval rating has slipped to an all-time low of 14%. It’s not hard to figure out why.


The Democrat Majority in Congress is putting their extremist ideology ahead of common-sense solutions to bring down the price of gas and reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources in unstable regimes.

If you are as outraged as I am, I need you to do 2 things:

Send a strong message to Pelosi and the Democrat majority to vote now. Sign our online petition demanding Congress take immediate action to lower gas prices before taking their vacation. You can sign the petition by clicking on the following link --
http://www.nrcc.org/actioncenter/default.asp?ID=288

Help us spread the word by forwarding this email to your email list!

I hope you join our efforts to force the Democrat leadership to vote and lower gas prices today!

Sincerely,

Tom Cole, MC
Chairman


P.S. Nancy Pelosi plans to begin her month long vacation in two short weeks so please make sure to sign the petition today by clicking on the following link-- http://www.nrcc.org/actioncenter/default.asp?ID=288!

In case you are wondering........I'm pissed at the NYT. I wish I could accurately describe how pissed I am..........just rest assured, I'm pissed.

I am not a McCain enthusiast, but NYT put a little fire under my butt..........I plan on posting a lot more crap in the future--maybe so I can go to bed knowing I did my part, however little, to help offset the media's love affair with Obama. This is ridiculous and I'm pissed.

Click the following links for the scoop:
CNN
Fox

To read Sen. McCain's submitted editorial, click here.

NYT didn't, however, have any reservations with Obama's editorial.......

I’m so sick of biased media…..how a man can become a presidential candidate whose only accomplishments are writing two books, about himself I might add, is beyond me.

How a man can develop foreign policy, before ever visiting Iraq/Afghanistan, is a complete crock o' the worst crap.

How a man can say he was against the war from the beginning is fine, even dandy I daresay......but seein' how he wasn't even a congressman at the time, it sure makes his position one of political convenience.

What is he going to do about illegal immigration?..........Nothing.
He preaches self-reliance, but his words are hollow and rendered meaningless with his promises of entitlements.
What is he going to do about gas prices? I don't know, but good luck getting him to support drilling in Alaska or even off-shore.
He wants us to hold him accountable if he doesn't fix health insurance/healthcare. Just words apparently, because he doesn't have a plan.........just speeches, I guess.

I am so sick of "itching ear" Obama.........he is a media fabrication. Famous for being famous. Thank you, Oprah.

I'm not alone in my disapproval, apparently.

Here's what I propose: both candidates, one ring and a preference for sleeper holds. First one to say 'uncle' loses.

It would be less painful than having to watch John McCain and Barack Obama bash each other's heads across the airwaves for the next few months. I loathe political TV ads. McCain's newest batch make me want to wretch.

November can't come soon enough.

I've also got a long post of a similar vein at my other blog if you are so inclined.