The time has finally come. I know it may shock some of you, it has certainly taken me by surprise, but I've finally decided who I am going to vote for this election year. I'd tell you who it is but that would ruin all of the dramatic tension that I wanted to build up in the first few paragraphs of this post. So you're just going to have to wait three or four more paragraphs till I get around to it.
It's very simple when you get down to what's really important. There's only one person who's man enough to take our country where it needs to go. Only one man has the ability to inspire us with his rogue spirit, his daring approach in taking every challenge head on, and if that doesn't work then he's brave enough to reverse direction and pretend that it never happened even if it is on them youtubes. I want a leader who could rip the head off of a megalodon with his bare hands and roast it on a spit if need be and, gosh darnit, there's but one candidate gritty enough for that kind of job.
So I'd like to announce that this blog will become the official grassroots blog for the entire north-eastern half of my block for our next president, John McCain and his running mate, John McCain. (he's so awesome he doesn't need a vice president- and it gives our campaign a chance to cover both sides of every issue)
This Obama guy, we're everything that he's not. Sure he's dynamic. Sure he's a good 2,000 years younger than McCain. Sure, he's good-looking and doesn't need to use bifocals to read stop signs. Who cares if people are flocking to him like hippies to a Grateful Dead Concert. It doesn't matter if he hasn't been around the beltway longer than the Potomac like good ol' Johnny-boy McCain has been but... Oh, wait. Never mind.
Let's just say we know we'll win if we can frame the debate in terms of how bad Obama is. Obama is all about change, so let's do him one better. McCain can be the alternative to change, the anti-change candidate! McCain's the man you rally behind if you really, really want things to stay on the exact same course that we've been on for the past eight years because, as you know, things are just sweet as is. Old white guys have done wonders for America since it's inception so why change now?
Change is dangerous people, don't believe it. Change is scary, change will hurt you, punch you in the face and take your wallet and then come back to kick you in the shins until you cry for mercy kind of scary. That's not change you can believe in. Believe in sameness. That's McCain; as dependable as skim-milk. Unless you're lactose intolerant. In that case, he's like soy-milk.
In closing, let's all do our part. Go visit a nursing home near you, deface some Obama campaign signs. Use racial slurs, degrade Obama's third cousin-twice removed and remake McCain's to match this years hottest trends in window blinds. And, if none of that works, we'll just do whatever the heck Obama is doing.
Now that's change that I can believe in. Or anti-change. Whatever.
To commiserate, or commemorate this momentous occasion I would like to share with you some of my own home-spun campaign material. Feel free to spread it around. This is my neighbor Elsa, she's voting for McCain because, as she said, "young people play their music too loud and my kids never visit me." I feel your pain Elsa, I really do. Vote McCain!
Oh yea! He's also promised to veto every beer and I don't drink beer. Mormons for McCain!
"................A Texas appeals court said Thursday that the state had no right to take more than 400 children from a polygamist sect's ranch............
"..............The Third Court of Appeals in Austin ruled that the state offered 'legally and factually insufficient' grounds for the 'extreme' measure of removing all children from the ranch..........
"..............The state never provided evidence that the children were in any immediate danger.......
".............The state never provided evidence that teenage girls were being sexually abused, and never alleged any sexual or physical abuse against the other children..........
".............The appeals court also said the state was wrong to consider the entire ranch as an individual household and that any abuse claims could apply only to individual households..........
".............Of the 31 originally believed to be underage mothers, 15 have been reclassified as adults — one was 27 years old — and the state conceded a 14-year-old girl had no children and was not pregnant, as officials previously asserted..........
".............The custody case has been chaotic from the beginning. The hearing in which Walther ruled that the children should all enter state custody ran two days. "
--AP SAN ANGELO, Texas
"Be careful men.......they may counterattack with songs of praise!"
You must read this article.
"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them...And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.
"And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."
--Obama
I'm sorry, but you don't need to lose a job to love the Bill of Rights, hate illegal immigration, or love religion...............Again, what was he thinking? Is this his view of small-town Americans?
I hate how Dems make it seem like unemployment is such a rampant problem..........What is the unemployment rate---4%? I hate it even more when they say that's why they're Republican! I'm willing to bet my student loans that unemployed Dems heavily outnumber unemployed Republicans.
As much as I disapprove of polygamy and the FLDS church in general, I am hugely disappointed in the government of Texas.
416 children taken from their homes and put into "suitable" foster care. As imperfect as I am, I'd like to see someone try to take my Paige away.
They haven't found the 16 year old who called the authorities. Shouldn't finding her be a priority before you scare the crap out of 416 kids who have never known anything different?
Texas has justified taking those children even if they haven't been abused, because they are all in danger of it. Hmm........I have a better idea--let's go to downtown Miami or Fort Lauderdale and start taking children from their homes because they are in danger of drug abuse, violence, and poor educational opportunities. After all, they might not be harmed right now, but there's definately a chance of it.
I'm sickened by the Baptist buses used to haul the children off (the National Guard doesn't have buses?). I guess the saving of souls should be smiled upon, but Osama Bin Laden recruits by the same method. I hope this isn't a religious crusade, but a lawful endeavor to protect children.
Personally, I don't care if people practice polygamy, but the marrying of children has got to stop. I agree with the law authorities in this regard. Now give the kids back to their mothers!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4d0ejTNpSE4